The Jen Solution to Prison Antics

Inmates flushing pillows and their clothing down the toliet.
Simple solution: Don't give them another item of clothing or pillow if they do this. They can be naked and sleep sans pillow. That'll show 'em! :) Oh, and make their families who aren't in prison pay for the uniform and/or pillow.

Scattered Thoughts 4 U

I can't sleep...if I'm not peeing every thirty minutes, I'm just plain uncomfortable. Last night I kept having stuff running through my head. If it wasn't thinking about the soon to be here baby, it was stuff like this wrestler murder/suicide, the pregnant mother murders, Paris freakin' Hilton, and the theme song from Wow Wow Wubzy (ugh!). I couldn't turn it off.

My hands and feet are like hot coals. Chris can't believe how hot they are--normally they are like ice. When I get up at night (you know, about a million times) to visit the bathroom, my feet hurt so bad when I first set them on the floor. Times like this I wish we had more carpet and less hardwood. (Next house---carpeted throughout...had enough of this.)

I took a video of Luke jumping up and down on the couch and of my belly being kicked from inside but I took it with my phone and sent it to my email. Anyone know how I can upload it here? No clue...

Went through Luke's closet and room today throwing away junk stuff, toys that were broken, etc. Had to do it on the sly, because as you may surmise, he wasn't too keen on me throwing anything away. "Leave my toys alone Mama!"

Some cute things he's done lately:

a. I like how he calls my belly button my "belly bucket". Both he and Chris think it's really funny to try to poke at it. Hurts like hell. At least pregnancy gives you a chance to fully clean out your belly bucket...that's the truth...

b. He has an amazing memory and will remember certain things on pages from books we haven't looked at for months. I'm quite proud of this trait of his. Of course, sometimes it can be annoying, when he remembers something I wish he'd forget! :) Like a bad word!

c. His facial expressions kill me. He is quite comical.

d. His favorite sayings these days are: "Can you believe that?" "How did THAT happen?" "WIPEEEEE!!!" (After his morning allergies cause him to have snot all over his face.)

Other Stuff:

I waddled myself down to the library and got a bunch of parenting books that are all telling me wildly different things to do. Lots of conflicting advice. Great.

As a joke, I keep walking up to Chris and telling him, "It's time" while holding my belly, like those morons on TV do. He just shakes his head. Sometimes I throw in, "I just lost my plug" or "My water broke. Let's go."

I cannot sit cross legged. I cannot shave my legs adequately. My face has "that look".

I am becoming a hermit.

That is all.

By the way, by my calculations (based on my first day of my last period--Oct. 8) my due date is July15. That would make my c-section (July 24th!!!) a whole week after my due date. Throughout my pregnancy, they have referred to me as one week later than what I know I am. Should I bring this up to my nurse and doc on Monday, when I see them again? I'm concerned.

Family Secrets on Primetime

Anyone watch Primetime last night about this story? The woman who was found guilty of killing (and doing some nasteeeeee stuff) to her husband? Chris and I found her body language telling--she kept looking away when she'd answer questions....so we think she did it, but we also think that the evidence wasn't all there. If you saw it, do you agree or disagree?

Celebrity Fit Club

I'm totally amazed at what a JERK (wanna use another term but won't) Dustin D. is. I wonder if he's always been like this. What a loser.

Spiderman Spiderman...

Luke had his official third birthday party yesterday, even though it was technically his bday last Friday. After a quick visit to the 1 hour photo at CVS, I have proof of the fun that was had. I kept it pretty small (I learned my lesson bigtime at his first bday party---don't invite everyone you know! Too many kids=too much stress for Jen.) Click here for more pictures.

Cutts Did It After All...

Well I was wrong. Sad story.

Adventures in Huswifery

Since I've been home for the past month I've had a chance to try out some items, especially since I'm home for lunch and the sullen lunchroom ladies aren't doling out their sludge. Here's a handy review.







Birds Eye Steam Fresh Sweet Corn: You can throw this bag in the microwave y'all. If that's not the ultimate in convenience, I don't know what is. The corn was actually pretty good too! Thumbs Up.



Special K Chocolatey Delight Cereal: Sounds good...but the long slivers of chocolate end up all together at the bottom of the bowl like you are reading tealeaves. Plus, it just has an odd taste to it. Thumbs down.

Lipton Cold Brew Tea: No no no..."brews in cold water in less than 5 minutes." No, no it doesn't. First of all, you have to constantly dunk the bags. Second of all, it is way too weak with this method. Third, cold water tea doesn't absorb the sugar the way hot tea (regular brew) does. Thumbs down.

Shampoo Rinse Cup: Like most kids, Luke hates the water in his face during bath time. This solves the problem big time. I highly recommend! You can get this at Walmart, by the way. Thumbs up.

In conclusion, though my husband turns his nose up at this choice, I remain faithful to all things Hamburger Helper for lunchtime goodness.

Have you tried any of this stuff or anything new lately? Please share.

Congrats to Dave and Tracy!

Twin boys on the way!
Tracy, go check out this link for some helpful twin hints.

Can you reattach feet???

The stuff of NIGHTMARES!
Update on girl here (and check out the tragedy of one young man not knowing the difference between "saw" and "seen" as well...sigh)

In other news, my old c-section scar is throbbing. In my head or for real? I report, you decide.

Pregnancy Ain't All Rainbows and Lollipops, People

We finally have rain. Thank you God! It's been so nice listening to it and being cold inside the house with the ac plus rain combo. Niceeee...We ordered a pizza and Luke, Frank the dog, and I have had a cozy day. Plus it was a Sylvia day so she came and did housework while I kept my butt on the couch. I'm feeling so big and tired lately that I didn't even feel bad about her doing work while I watched Fox News, CNN, A Baby Story, etc. Lately I keep finding shows on about c-sections. It's weird to watch because of course I had one with Luke (the late night emergency one) and this time it will be scheduled (hopefully during normal daytime hours when I won't be so tired and full of a Milo's hamburger!) I have a hard time watching the actual slicing open of the belly and stuff, but sometimes it calms me down to watch the procedure and remember doing that and reminding myself to "do this, or don't do this"...


Yesterday I had an appointment with Dr. G. I was under the impression that this would be a (cough cough) private part inspection kind of appointment, so Chris came home early to watch Luke. I was also under the impression that I would find out what the official birthday would be. He had tossed around July 20th for a long time and at the last appointment he said we would schedule a time at the hospital between "July 20th and July 27th". This annoyed me. At this point in the game you don't want to hear any "pushed back dates", you know? So anyway, I went on to the doc yesterday thinking a)we would know the official date and b)I'd be checked out and stuff---not necessarily a thing I look FORWARD to, but it signalled, to me, the end of this pregnancy journey.

I get there at the "palace" (what locals call this place, minus one particular nasty adjective) and when you walk in, there are two waiting rooms on either side of the entrance--all open air like a mall. Every time one walks in the place you can feel yourself being checked out by the other ladies sitting there...and I know this because I do it too. "How far along is she?" "Am I as big?" "Where did she get that maternity outfit?" "How is she so tan being pregnant? How dare she!!!"


So I flip flop my way in, at this point no longer giving one shit about fashion. (Some of you would say I don't give a shit about fashion when I'm not pregnant--ha.) I am all flip flops, long hippy skirts, and tank tops these days. Yeah.


I head upstairs, noticing the other preggies around me and some of their nervous looking husbands. You can always tell the first time dads. I guess Chris looked as scared when we were doing this with Luke. When I get to Dr. G's waiting room, I notice that I am the only patient there at the moment and that MY nurse, the only one I've dealt with with this pregnancy is nowhere to be seen. What the heck? I get nervous. I like routine. I like familiar faces. I like her. Instead, a large black lady with a pretty face and nice enough manners asks me, "Are you paper or are you diggee?"

I stared at her, "Huh?"
She repeated herself.
"I don't understand," I told her.
She flips through some charts. "Ahh, here you are. You are paper."

This annoys me. I sit down after peeing in the cup like you have to do every visit.
I'm not seated very long and I'm already planning to steal a certain magazine in the waiting room when the same nurse ushers me into a room. I feel lost. Where's my normal nurse? I don't like this person who called me paper. Makes me feel less like a person or something. And like I said, I like routine.

I get on the scale and avert my eyes like I always do. My NORMAL nurse knows that I do not want to know what I weigh. I think it's stupid to worry over the numbers on the scale when you are pregnant; it's just added stress. I do not want to know.
Stupid New Nurse sez: "Okay! Your weight this visit is------"
And I heard it.
Holy shit.


Not quite believing what I'd just heard, I sat down on the papered exam table and felt big. Bigger than normal and irritated. I guess I should have told her I didn't want to know, but thought that my body language explained it enough. Guess not. There's something about hearing the numbers or seeing the numbers (like I did with Luke's birth right before they wheeled Orca, I mean ME into the delivery room) that can do a number on your psyche.

"How much weight have I gained since the last visit?" I thought I'd go ahead and ask, since the cat was out of the bag and stuff.
"Four." She made a face. SHE MADE A FACE PEOPLE!!!!
"Up yours." I thought to myself.
She took my blood pressure and then left.


I thought, "Wait, where's my paper gown? This is one of THOSE visits, right? This is the light at the end of this tunnel, right?"
I sat there, fought back tears, and flipped through magazines until my doc arrived. I began to boo hoo when he arrived. Embarrassing, huh? He smiled and sat down and gave me a Kleenex.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I have nothing to cry about."
I'm a red, splotchy fat mess.
"One would think you are pregnant or something!" He eventually talked me down. I sniffled and snotted and calmed down.

He didn't tell me when my c-section will be. I'll know at the next visit when "some girl" (he said some name) schedules it. "Sometime between 20th and the 27th." Okay. Fine. Whatever. He took a look at my previous c-section scar and complimented me on it. "Yeah. Thanks." (Once again, something I had nothing to do with.) Then my NORMAL nurse showed up (yay nurse!) and actually did something gyno-related with a long swab. It was not fun but it wasn't that big of a deal either.

So I leave, walk down the Runway of Pregnant Stares downtairs once again, find my sap-covered car in the Alabama heat, and promptly go get a Hershey bar and cola at the nearest location, sniffling and feeling sorry for my big ass the whole time. I'm ready for the pregnancy to be over and to see baby boy in my arms but at the same time, I know how hard, how terribly hard, the first year is with the baby. Hell, the first few weeks are like bootcamp. It's scary, the whole experience.

"Mommy's in the Rug!"

This story is freaking me out!
My theory: Some lady who has been pretending to be pregnant needs a baby, trails her, attacks her, takes her. Doesn't need the 2 year old kid.
Chris's theory: Cop's wife is behind it.


What's your theory?

Bizerko Brannon and Chris

If Chris and his high school buddy Brannon had taken different paths and life had not been as kind...

Bizerko Brannon

Bizerko Chris

Here's a picture from 1998 when the two guys took a trip to Hollywood. Check out my man without his goatee! Crazy!

Real World San Diego's Frankie

Even though she was cringeworthy, it's still sad. How many Real World people are gone now? Pedro, her? Who else?

Happy Birthday Baby!

No, I didn't give birth yet. Today is Luke's third birthday. I woke him up this morning and said, "It's your birthday!" He said, "Uh huh!"

Then we promptly had chocolate donuts for breakfast and now we are watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. (Chris bought him the donuts last night after Luke got excited about the chocolate "muffins" he spied on the shelf.)

Wow. Three years! I've been so blessed. He's truly changed my life. I can't wait to meet his brother.

Late graduation pics

Been meaning to put these up. Enjoy...this pic here is a group shot of the line leaders. I blurred our names out for safety reasons. :) Can't be too careful, huh? I think I needed a bigger shirt...but you DO need to know that I had a beige tank top on under that white shirt. I wasn't THAT indecent!

If anyone

has some furniture or odds and ends that a former student of mine can have, let me know. She says her apartment is "naked" and anything would be a big help. She'll be in the area tomorrow picking up something from me and I can send her your way if you can donate anything!
Thanks!

Yay! Some common sense.

Sure hope this continues to be considered a good idea.

We Gone Ball

If you know what I'm sayin'

Thoughts?

Walkin' Like an Elephant...

Been busy the past two days. Well, Monday I was sorta busy; mainly I was just in pain. I felt like lead and my back and bladder hurt so badly that I could barely get anything done in the house. I felt like a slug. It didn't help that it was so hot outside that our dinosaur airconditioning couldn't keep up very well (yet another thing that needs to be fixed in this old house...) Believe me, the next house will be new. Or newer. Old house=charm and lots of upkeep. :( Kristy and Lisa came by to visit during my painful Monday and that was nice. We'll be going to dinner tonight, as Kristy wants to visit one of her favorite restaurants before she moves in a couple of weeks. (I'm still in denial that one of my best buddies is moving.)

Yesterday I felt much better and managed to get a bunch of errands run. You know your kid is bored when he considers Sam's Club fun. "We had fun Mama!" I also managed to get a new pair of flip flops. I know, big whoop right? They feel like heaven...I don't care that they are black and contrast with my pale feet in the biggest way possible. Chris and I were able to have a date night last night---Mom and Dad kept Luke while we went to Red Robin and a movie. We saw Knocked Up, which was awesome. I felt funny saying, "Two for Knocked Up please" at the ticket counter.



Luke made me stop on an old movie yesterday. It made me laugh---he wanted to watch Elephant Walk with Elizabeth Taylor, which was made in 1954. It was a ridiculous movie--at least, the end of it was (which was what we watched--probably the last ten minutes.) I guess Luke enjoyed the fire and the elephant stampede. I enjoyed watching Liz, especially since I'm reading a biography on her. She was a real mess, y'all! (Go read the tagline on the movie on the link---hysterical. I love those things.)


And now for news of the weird:
Shar Jackson having K-fed's baby AGAIN???

Sopranos and the BLACKOUT

Last night we watched the end of the Sopranos. Luke walked in the room during the last ten minutes of the show (he was supposed to be asleep by then, obviously) but I didn't put him back in bed as I didn't want to miss the last moments of my favorite show. So Luke flipped around on the carpet and pulled on Frank, etc. etc. and then we are watching the diner scene and huh? The screen went black! We thought Frank or Luke had stepped on the remote control and turned it off. We hurriedly tried to turn it back on, but realized we had just turned it OFF. "Huh???" I ran into the living room and quickly turned the TV on just to see the credits roll.
"We missed it!! What happened!!!!!" I yelled.
"Mama, wha' happened???" Luke had followed me into the living room.
From the other room, Chris hollered back, "That was it. That was the end. Nothing happened!!!"
"Man!!!"
"Mama, wha' happened??" Luke asked again.
"It..... was a bad ending!!" I stammered.
As I put him back in bed and handed him more milk in his sippy, he said, "Mama...that was a bad ending."
"It sure was!"

I'm gonna watch it again tonight to see if I like it better this time. I guess I wanted things tied up more (like the Six Feet Under finale), but really, it is in the typical Sopranos mode to just leave it dripping with dread with "life going on"...(I could barely watch that last diner scene!) The TWP boards are flipping out! Here's a great review by a NJ Star Ledger writer. I like this one too. I'm starting to agree with his theory. Another review.

If you watched it, what was your opinion of it? Theory?
PS: I bet they are selling a lot of ice cream and hamburgers right about now!

Ramble

Why is it that when I need batteries for something, I have every size battery but the one I need?

Feet all "swole" today...back killing me...have to pee every 30 minutes if not more often...anxiously looking forward and dreading the last Sopranos show tonight...have tons of laundry to do...

Why do little boys love flashlights? (Hence the need for batteries.)

noggined out

I wish Diego would stop with the armadillo. I'm bored.

Paris, Screwdrivers, and Pain

Sorry for my absence. I've been in a drunken-like stupor since my excellent hour and a half massage and then I was caught up in the Paris Hilton news coverage (WHEEE!!!!) You know, I keep myself busy with the important things...Here's a look back at the infamous firecrotch video--where we get to see Paris acting like a teenager (even though she's what, 26?) AND driving obviously inebriated. Enjoy! How odd that both Firecrotch and Paris are in a type of lock down right now. Hmm..

Dad, a most excellent painter, put the finishing touches on the baby's room today. Luke, of course, wanted to "help" Paw Paw but mainly just got in his way. Paw Paw was very patient with Mr. Painty Hands. Then Luke watched Chris put the crib together after Paw Paw left. He kept handing him screwdrivers, "Here Dada" with a serious look on his face.

I'll leave you with an exchange I had with my mom, The Barbster, today.
Jen: Well, Travis's wedding is next Saturday. I guess I need to figure out what to wear.
Barbster: You got a muu muu and some flip flops?
We had a good laugh over that one.
Hint---I'm VERY large and uncomfortable right now. As Luke would say, "I hurt."

Luke Discovers The Viewmaster and...Chris Poses Like Paris

Pooltime for Preggie

Woke up this morning and turned on the tv, walked over to the coffee maker and heard, "Surprising twist in the Paris Hilton jail sentence..." and was instantly irritated. I shouldn't be surprised, but damn! (And what's this about her serving FIVE days? They clearly can't count.)

Things looked up though---

I drove myself and the Lukester over to Jamie's house today after we were invited to partake in lunch and a dip in her pool. Along the way, Luke claims he saw several "Crankys" (Thomas the Train character) on the road, which always cracks me up. Boy, it felt great to put this big ole bod in the water---when I got out of the pool, the weight of my belly felt ENORMOUS, it was kind of shocking how much I've gotten used to it. I got to wear my Old Navy maternity tankini for the first time. Tank is a good root word in there. I felt like a creamsicle. All white and orange, just not so streamlined...Jamie's boy Andrew is such a doll...he felt so light when I picked him up. I'm so used to Luke's weight. It was interesting watching him interact with Andrew. I think he did okay--wasn't acting jealous when I picked him up or anything this time...Thank you Jamie for the wonderful day! Luke said on the way home, "I like hers house. I had good time." :)

More Luke Talk:

Me: Ouch! (Baby kicked me...hard!)

Luke: Mama, what's wrong?

Me: Baby kicked Mama!

Luke: (Addresses my stomach) No no, baby! No kick my Mama! You time out!

I know, Mommy talk. Sickening, huh?

I'm excited--Chris scheduled a pregnancy massage for me tomorrow for AN HOUR AND A HALF!!!Whoo hoo!

The Prestige!

We loved it! At the beginning we were like, "Wha? Slow down!" but I really really liked it. Gave me a lot to think about, blew me away with two things that happened...yay. I'm so rarely really really pleased with a movie. Excellent. Hugh Jackman is so fine...and exuberant!

propaganda.

Whatever.

Kelsey Smith

Been following this story...tragic ending. Anyone else think that the lake looks like...a body from the air? How strange.

A Story

I have a story for you. This past weekend, Chris and I took the in laws to the "fountain city", the little city that is quickly growing as people get the heck out of dodge (our bigger city). We took them there because we've been investigating this quaint little hamlet ourselves for the past year, and trying to get to know our way around it, neighborhoods, restaurants, etc. Well, we took them to a place that was a nice, quiet, out of the way pasta/pizza joint. We loved the food (and stuffed ourselves full) but there was one weird thing about the visit: the wet boobage.

There was a waitress there who looked in her early twenties. She did not look like she had had any babies at any point in her lifetime. Her boobage looked to be purchased. That was not what caught my eye as she passed our table (she was not our waitress). One of her boobies was wet. A wet circle illuminated her perfect mammary. And yes, she was also making an excellent point, if you know what I'm sayin'. So I'm trying not to stare, thinking, "Does she realize that she's walking around like this? Surely someone will show up with a t-shirt for her....have her co-workers told her? Surely she FEELS this???"

But alas, she spent the entire time we were there (close to 2 hours) wearing this shirt, and Chris said (because he was being helpful, right?) that he noticed that the wet spot increased. "It got bigger!!!" He informed me. I didn't think it did, but whatever. I was trying not to look at it.

What do you think the story was? If (and I doubt she was) she was a breastfeeding mother, would only one juggie do this? If she wasn't a breastfeeding mother, what happened here? Wouldn't YOU call for a backup shirt? (This was NOT a uniform!)

I'd love to hear your response. I am truly puzzled.

Twitty and Ramsey

Bizarre.

Luke's Superman Impression

My mom taught him this. I think it's awesome.

Intervention...

Parody of Intervention--addicted to blogging. "My babies get in the way of my blogging."
Speaking of Intervention, anyone see the latest shows? The rich girl/cat lover who got driven to rehab in her limo or the girl who used her Paw Paw for money for drugs or poor Hubert who lived on the street or the chef who shot up in the Denver tunnel? So sad and so fascinating to watch. Maybe because I've never been around people like that in my real life.

In other bizarre TV shows, we (my in laws and I) thought The World's Heaviest Man (Discovery Channel) was worth watching. Chris, on the other hand, said, "Aww come ON!!!!" as he sat his pizza slice down at the computer when he realized what we were watching.

Bradbury

says that all of us English teachers have been teaching his book all wrong! I guess he should know! :)

If we did this at my school, no one would get diplomas. I'm so tired of the "weh wehing" from moronic parents. "But...but...it was just..." SHUT UP!

Happy June 1st!

How long? Some questions:

1.If you haven't worn something in a year, should you get rid of it?
2. Do you have any skinny clothes you are still hanging onto? I think I've held on to some skinny clothes so long that they are out of style now. Ha. Seriously, I donated a lot of my skinny clothes to Hurricane Katrina places when all that happened...
3. How long should you keep makeup? (click for answer)
4. FREE STUFF FOR YOU: Does anyone have any use for pieces of inexpensive jewelry for artwork or for your kid's dress up stuff? I have some if you want it. A bagful. Part of me wants to somehow work it in to scrapbook pages, but I know I'll never get around to it... I also have two small candles from Yankee candle--they are cucumber smell. They give me a headache but you might not be weird like me....I also have a ziploc bag full of beach shells and beach "rocks" (not quite shells). Take them. They are yours.
The Illusionist


We finally sat down to watch The Illusionist last night. It was a PRETTY movie. The scenery, way it was shot, etc. was absolutely beautiful. The story was okay too. Speaking of pretty---Jessica Biel was all dewy-fresh pretty in this and I actually found Edward Norton appealing (nay, sexy!) in this movie. Tonight we hope to watch The Prestige...
Library!
Yesterday was a pretty full day. I went with Kristy to the downtown library, with Luke in tow. (He says, "We get books!") However...I realized that at 3, he is definitely NOT ready for the library. His favorite part of the trip was climbing the winding stairway and playing "How Fast Can I Lose Mom in the Stacks". I managed to grab two Ian McEwan books (Saturday and Amsterdam), a Liz Taylor biography, and another Anne Lamott book (Travelling Mercies) to give her another shot.
Visit to Doc/Tubal Discussion/FLUID!:
After that, we had a nutritious meal at Wendys (hmph!), then I picked up Chris to get to the doctor's appointment in time. I was weighed (!), measured (belly...), and asked again if I was sure I wanted the tubal. He keeps asking me over and over. I finally asked, "Why do you keep trying to talk me out of it?" He said, "If I can talk you out of it, you really don't want it." Okay. Well, it IS weird whenever you make a FOREVER decision like that, so he's kinda freaking me out...but do I really want any more babies? No, I don't. I have never seen myself with more than two. And forget "trying for a girl"!!!!! We would have three boys! :) Anyway...Chris said, "What if I get hit by a bus and you meet someone else...?" I said, "Well I'm not exactly a spring chicken NOW, and later...I'll just be older and they can just love my two boys!" Dr. G said, "Sure you are! A spring chicken...well maybe more LATE MAY!"

After meeting with him, we headed down to the ultrasound appointment and got the cool shots below. The tech kept complimenting my amniotic fluid. I didn't know what to say. I didn't say anything. What could I say? "Thanks! I have absolutely no control over my uh, fluid..."